At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
