some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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