I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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