lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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