Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
