I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
