why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
