Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
