jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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