talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize