I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
her vagine was all disorganized.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
