Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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