walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
