I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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