If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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