Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
