I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
