I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
