How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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