My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
