I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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