Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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