dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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