But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
