I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize