i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
