ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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