dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
