i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
