Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it hurts more in the daytime
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
