When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
