My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
it's like iHOP with fire
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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