White coat. Heels.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
