question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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