Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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