tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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