I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
