she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
