I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
