The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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