Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize