i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
