How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
