She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
