the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
