it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize