ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
