rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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