I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
