Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize