It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
