No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
