so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
