i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
