Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
