Apparently you make a good broom.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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