i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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