Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
be right there i have to get my cape
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
