A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
