I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
