It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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