WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
