so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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