That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
