Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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