my mouth tastes like poor choices
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
