Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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